Posted: September 5th, 2010 | Author: dio | Filed under: Random, Uncategorized | Tags: approach anxiety, dating advice for men, how to approach women, how to ask out a girl, how to meet women, pickup lines, where to meet women, younger dating | No Comments »
I want to draw a distinction between an “opener” and a “pick up line”. An opener is any kind of question or statement used to introduce yourself, spark curiosity / interest, and bridge into a conversation. Pick-up lines are a sub-category of openers; they’re scripted, greasy, stale attempts to get a reaction.
The idea that you can win a woman over with the right pick-up line is a widely held misconception. The classic pick-up line opener has been out of style for decades and attempting one will mark you as hopelessly out of touch. Lines fail miserably. Here’s why
- They sound canned. Because they are. She thinks: “…, and now that line has failed 1,347 consecutive times”
- She’s heard them all before. Pretty girls get hit on a lot- they’ve heard every line there is. After a while, the same routine goes from boring to aggravating. She’ll take great joy in shooting you down and then laugh at you with all of her friends.
- Lines are demeaning. Hit her with your best line and she’s going to think, “Really? I look like someone that’s going to fall for that? You think so little of me that you assume I might appreciate that old cheese?”
- They don’t offer a segue to further conversation. “Yes, my daddy was a thief. Yes, his biggest heist was stealing the stars from the heavens and putting their twinkle in my eyes. You think I have nice eyes. Thanks. You must be going now.”
- Chances are, if you’re relying on a line, you have doubts. Those insecurities are magnified and projected. Not cool.
What kind of openers DO work?
I’m not offering any surefire brand-new relationship ignition technology (although I do like the ring of that, and should trademark it before some PUA pirate steals it). Men and women have been fucking for milena, so there’s nothing new under the sun. But the following opening strategies have a considerably higher success rate than ‘lines’.
- Say something about the situation or environment. Note anything interesting, unusual or funny. (Dull: “I hate standing in lines. What about you?” Engaging: “Third time today I’ve picked the wrong line – but I have a feeling my luck’s about to turn around”)
- Pay her a SMALL but sincere compliment on something specific. (Bad: “Hey, great cans… are they natural?” Good: “The design on your jacket is wild- is it hand painted?”)
- Make a statement. Most women are fed-up with the ‘interrogation mode’ most guys get stuck in, and they don’t want to answer the same string of boring questions. A statement opens the door for her to agree or disagree. (Weak: “I see you have the new WhizBang phone” Better: ”The waitress is missing in action. We should send out a rescue team.”)
- Ask her opinion. This is also an excellent way to approach a group of women. Remember, when relating to a group, address everyone and keep your head on a swivel. In no time, you’ll ascertain who’s interested, and who’s a snarky cock-blocker so you can focus your attention on high-probability targets. (Horrific: “Ladies, let me get your opinion… can a man with a small penis please a woman?” Smooth: “Can I trouble you ladies for your opinion? It’ll take a second… my friend over there hasn’t heard from his girlfriend for three days. They’ve only been dating for a month or so. He’s already tried to call her a bunch of times… he’s worried. I say stop worrying and stop trying to contact her- this is her way of blowing you off. What do you think?”
These are just a few ideas. Remember, the opener is just one piece of the puzzle, and even the best opener won’t make up for a bad game. Men, to be successful, you’ve also got to consider: * Your mindset * The right timing * Angle of approach * The attitude you project * Your attire and accouterments * Personal space / proximity * Vocal tone and volume * Body language & eye contact * Grooming * How you smell * Ability to read and respond to social cues * Conversational fluency * How to ‘close’ * When to exit *
Posted: September 2nd, 2010 | Author: dio | Filed under: Inner Game / Self-Confidence | Tags: approach anxiety, best places to meet women, confidence with women, how to ask out a girl, how to get a girlfriend | No Comments »
As you’ve already determined, I’m not a big believer in “Quick Fixes” and “Magic Solutions”. Everyone wants the fast , free, fun and easy. Me too. I also realize that in the real world, it usually takes work to get results. Fortunately, the following tips ARE easy to implement. Follow the plan and you’ll conquer approach anxiety forever.
Approach Anxiety is VERY normal. Meeting women can be *gasp* scary! Most men experience this fear to some degree But if your fears are crippling you or having a significantly detrimental impact on your life, you might want to seek out professional help.
This section will address your “pre-game” – how to prepare yourself mentally.
- THE POWER OF NEGATIVE THINKING. We’ve all heard of the Power of Positive thinking. Its great stuff. There’s also something to be said for doing the opposite! If you’re setting the bar too high, your subconscious won’t accept the the new programming and will rigister a ‘conflict error’. Instead, try setting LOW expectations.Seriously. It’ll take the pressure off you. Plus, they’re easier to achieve. Taking small actions will break your paralysis and help you build momentum-
- ACCEPT REJECTION. You’ve probably heard it back in Little League: “You can’t get a hit with the bat on your shoulder”. Top salesmen get rejected all the time. The best Pick Up Artists in the world get shot down all the time (although they never post those vids on YouTube). The secret of the champions is- they don’t let “failure” get to them (well, not for long, anyway). The worst failure not even trying. Maybe you’ll get rejected. So what? Next!
- WHAT’S THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN? Yes, on occasion you’ll hear a guy ask that question before he gets a fragmentation grenade suppository. But lets be analytical for a moment- you approach a girl, and for any one of 1,00 legitimate reasons (she really is married, she really is in a rush, whatever), things don’t go your way. SO WHAT? The IRS isn’t going to audit you, you aren’t going to face public ridicule, you aren’t going to jail… the worst thing you may experience is a brief moment of awkwardness. SO WHAT?
- THE CUT. Remind yourself that YOU are also evaluating HER. If she’s rude, shrill, immature, humorless, you don’t want her anyway.
- ONE GIRL / ONE VOTE. One girl’s opinion does not constitute a universal female consensus. Some girls will not dig you. So what? Lots of girls do, lots more will. Focus on them.
GETTING INTO THE GAME. Slooooowly. Easy does it.
- REHEARSAL Now its time for an ‘in-field’ assignment. Its and easy one. For a few days, allocate some time to people watching. Streets, restaurants, stores, everywhere. Observe women. Then pick one you’d like to meet, note any opportunities for an approach and think about what you’d say to her. No need to be clever- just think situational. Do this at least a dozen times or more, and in your head, play out different scenarios. Visualize yourself being relaxed, confident and cool. This exercise will get you to realize that you actually can go up to a total stranger and start a conversation. (Told you it would be easy)
- HIT AND RUN CONGENIALITY. For a day or two, say hello and smile at everyone you pass. Hot girls, old ladies, couples, people shopping in the supermarket. Simple. Just “hi” or “hello” or “good morning”…. a second of eye contact, a smile, and keep walking. You’re outta there. There may be a few people that don’t hear you, or are so up in their head that they don’t process what’s happening, and there may some people that look right at you and scowl. Fuck ‘em. That’s their deal, not yours. The vast majority of people will appreciate the fleeting instant of positive energy you gave them. (That wasn’t so bad, was it?)
- FOLLOW THROUGH. The next step is an effortless transition. Just put the pieces together. Spot a girl, catch the timing, make your approach, say hello and try out some of the openers you’d been going over in your head. Your goal here is a few moments of engaging conversation. As a matter of fact, it might be a good idea to set a 3 minute limit on each interaction and keep yourself to it. Especially if things are going well.
“I’ve really got to go – it was a real pleasure to meet you. What was your name?” Repeat it back and shake her hand. “Take care of yourself. Bye” Smile and leave. This puts you in control and makes you stronger.
Just a few final thoughts:
- Keep your expectations reasonable. At this point, you’re not looking to land anyone in bed. You’re not even trying to close phone numbers. In other words, there is no possibility of failure.
- Take your time doing the exercises and allow your courage to build.
- Keep it Playful, Keep it Light, Keep it Fun. Yes, dark, brooding bad-boys do get their share of women but they operate within an entirely different pickup structure. Don’t concern yourself with that for now.
- KISS. Forget about complicated routines or memorized sets. Keep It Super Simple.
There. I don’t need to wish you luck because now you have a plan. Work it and get back to me with the results.