Its the most important because so many men agonize over what to say, over think to the point of paralysis, or talk them down by imagining the most awful outcomes possible….. so they let a perfectly good opportunity slip. So approaching and saying something is vital – without it, nothing else happens.
Its also the least important aspect of pick up, because in a few minutes, the girl probably wont recall what you said to begin with. If a girl is interested, even a lame opener will do the trick.
Now you’ve got her attention. What next? How do you keep a conversation going? What do you say after hello?
Stalling out (especially this early) translates into an uncomfortable silence, which will filled by her saying something like, “thanks for the compliment” or “it was nice to meet you”.
Follow these guidelines and you’ll ensure things flow smoothly. *(They are especially effective for a “day game”)
- Introductions. Duh! You can just say, “Hi, I’m ______”. You can ask her “What’s your name?” (a cool trick to gauge her interest level: don’t automatically introduce yourself after you get her name- see if she asks. If she doesn’t, she’s either not into you or has weak social skills) In both situations, shake her hand. Exchanging names a great first step towards making her more comfortable.
- Shift Gears. Just totally change the subject and talk about something completely unrelated. Good comedians do this all the time and the audience doesn’t mind at all as long as the new topic is fun or interesting. “I know this is completely random, but…” “This is crazy….” “The weirdest thing just happened to me…”
- Make a Statement. Cold Read. A “cold read” is an ancient skill used by mentalists, detectives, “psychics” and pickup artists. In a nutshell, you quickly observe the subject, use your intuition, and make a pronouncement. For our purposes, it doesn’t matter if you’re on target or totally wrong! The girl you’re talking to will either ask, “how did you know that” or correct you, thus opening the way for you to explain. “I can tell you’re not from around here.” (by your style, the way you carry yourself, how fast you walk…) “You look like a local, but I’ve never seen you around before” (you seem confident, like you know your way around, the way you look at everyone as if you know them)
- Bait. Getting her to invest in the conversation by asking you a question. You’d make a statement with an unanswered implication, like “You remind me of my friend Emily” (in what way) … “I can tell a lot about you- you learn to read people when you do what I do for a living” (what do you do?)….
- Commonality. Discuss any shared link or interest. But don’t beat it to death.
- Communicate with Energy. Hey, Mr. Mellow, if you drone on, you’re going to put her in a coma. Inject some excitement and you’ll bring up her energy level as well. No need to go over the top – you might scare her.
- Listen! Drop your mouth out of over-drive and take a breath! Let her add to the conversation. That allows you to pick up on what she said and expand on it. After you say your piece, throw the ball back in her court.
Three things to avoid:
*Asking open ended questions. Examples: “So, what are you passionate about?” or “If you could travel for a year, where would you go?” Reason- its too early, and she will feel uncomfortable revealing herself to someone she’s known for just moments.
*Interviewing. Examples: “Where do you work? How do you like that? Where are you from? Why did you move here?” Everyone likes talking about themselves, but no one likes to be interrogated.
*Being too agreeable. Alpha-Males are not ‘yes men’. Don’t be afraid to question, challenge or disagree with her. (You can disagree without being disagreeable).
Once you’ve formed a bridge from the opener to a more normal conversation, all you need to do is keep it moving forward. Tease a little (breaking rapport is critical to sparking interest), qualify her a little …“oh, you’re not one of those kind of people, are you? I thought you were cool” ;-) tell her you’ve got to get going, and then get her number with an assumptive close.
You’ve heard of the horse whisperer, and the dog whisperer and even the ghost whisperer. My friend Sinn is the Vagina Whisperer. He’s consistently recognized as one of the top pick up artists in the world, but what really makes him stand out is that he specializes in teaching regular guys the skills of pick up mastery. If you want to learn the actual science of attracting women and seduction, you simply have to check his system out at SinnsOfAttraction.