Posted: October 9th, 2010 | Author: dio | Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: alpha male, attracting women, date younger women, dating advice for men, dating after divorce, eye contact, how to flirt with women, how to talk to women, pick up tips, ring card girls | No Comments »
*I love my girlfriend and am very devoted to her. I seriously dont know what got into me last night. Maybe it was reflex, maybe I felt the need to keep my skills sharp.
What a great night! I attended a pretty big Mixed Martial Arts event where I was the corner man for one of my students. For a local promotion it was very professionally run with lots of exciting bouts. My fighter rocked his opponent in the first round (the guy took 2 standing 8 counts) and won by submission in the second (kimura lock from the guard).
Anyway, my team and I were enjoying the remaining matches when one of the ring card girls chose my row to walk down so she could pass to the next isle (there were several empty seats so getting through was easier). We smiled at each other as she approached, and I stood up to let her by. As she got closer, I commented that her bracelet was interesting andI extended a hand. As she offered her wrist to me, I playfully twirled her around gracefully changing our position. She giggled and I told her she had the right attitude, so she might get the invitation to hang with “the winning team”.
“Oh, really?” she asked with some exaggerated sarcasm.
“I’ll have to see. I’m pretty selective about my friends” I teased. “Find your way back when you’re done working” Then my attention was back at the action in the ring.
The guys who were with me were kind of surprised, to say the least. First, because the girl was smoking hot, the kind of hot that turns a man into a blithering idiot. Secondly, I’m in a relationship and am not in the habit of “gaming” girls these days.
At the end of the night, guess who comes back to find me? Ms. Round 1 and two of her friends. Introductions were made all around. The lights come up, and everyone was leaving the arena, so I asked if the girls were going to the after party (and they were, it was part of their nights contract).
“You work out the logistics,” I said. “I’ve got to take care of something”. I took two steps, paused and looked over my shoulder at my new friend. “Come on, take a walk”.
Long story short, I located a semi-private hallway in the back stage area, and in after a quick escalation, we were making out. I broke contact first, gently pushing her back. “We really shouldn’t do this,” I explained. I told her that I wasn’t going to be able to make the after-party, but wanted to spend a few moments with her. We put our numbers in each others phones and got back to the group before they sent out a search party.
She texted me twice from the party, and once again this morning. I’m not positive how to handle this, because I don’t cheat.
- Always be prepared. You never know when an opportunity will present itself.
- You can’t predict a girl’s preference. There were hundreds of guys there last night, scores of them who were taller, beefier, younger, better looking than me. Although “cold approaching” is a low percentage game, it can pay off big.
- Technical Breakdown-
- Eye contact and smiling = pre qualification
- Opener – in this case a small compliment on an accessory she was wearing. Nothing fancy.
- Compliance test- she took my hand and let me spin her
- Fun- it was child like and incongruous to do a dance twirl with a complete stranger at an MMA event.
- Established physical contact early. Light hand touch, brushing against each other as I spun her to the other side of me.
- Rewarded her- “… you’ve got the right attitude…”
- Qualified her- “… you might get an invite…”
- Established Value- “… I’m very selective about my friends…”
- Showed interest – casually. I didn’t chase her
- Demonstrated Leadership- when she brought her friends over, I made the introductions and delegated transportation logistics
- Isolation- This is the true test of a woman’s interest… she’ll go somewhere with you. Even if its just 3 steps away from her group. In this case, I led- and she actually took my hand and followed.
- Escalation. This happened amazingly fast, and I was frankly surprised because we were both sober (I’m always sober). A brief touch on the small of her back as we navigated the crowd, sweeping her hair away from her ear…
- Controlled the interaction- from the direction of the conversation to breaking off the make-out.
- Assumptive number close. I asked her if I could see her phone as I handed her mine. Although it was kind of a moot point (I’m not going to hook up with her) it would have been rude not to get her digits. Note- I did NOT say, “hey, uh, maybe I can call you sometime, may I have your number?”
Okay. Perhaps I was being a bit naughty, but ultimately I wasn’t bad. Bottom line: once really learn how to pick up girls, you’ll never have to go without.
Posted: October 5th, 2010 | Author: dio | Filed under: Random, Uncategorized | No Comments »
Before you open your mouth to say one word, a woman has already formed an opinion about you. On a subconscious level, she’s noticing scores of small details and making evaluations. So while you’re standing next to a beautiful girl in the check out line, (or scoping her out at a club), ramping up your courage to approach her, she may have already made a “go/no-go” decision about you.
The following list of behaviors broadcast that you feel uncomfortable, insecure and anxious. The first step towards eliminating these negative “tells” is be consciously aware of them. Once you break your bad habits you can replace them with beneficial traits that will help you attract women.
- Nervous Feet. Standing with your feet too close together, coupled with shifting your weight from side to side.
FIX: Place your feet slightly wider than your shoulders. This will distribute your weight more evenly and give you a solid, more commanding stance.
- Fidgety Hands, Hands in Pockets. Picking at your fingers, tearing bits of paper, etc. are no-no’s. So is stuffing your paws in your pockets.
FIX: Unobtrusively press your thumbs against the tips of your index or middle fingers and let your arms hang naturally by your sides
- Fast Scanning. It gives the vibe that you’re some kind of fugitive. There really isn’t any reason to constantly assess your surroundings unless you’re expecting an enemy ambush. Fast head turns and shifty eyes do not play in your favor.
FIX: If you want to have a look around, do it very slowly. A lion surveys his kingdom with gravitas.
- Poor Posture/ Slouching Think of any leading man you’ve ever seen. Not one set of hunched shoulders in the lot, is there?
FIX: Visualize your your body being pulled up into alignment by a string attached to the top of your head. Head up, shoulders square, chest out, belly in.
- Looking Down Downcast eyes are a classic Beta behavior.
FIX: Keep your chin up and level and raise your line of sight to eye level.
- The Serious Face This warns the world not to approach you. You’re trying to attract women, not scare them away! Save the serious for the World Poker Tournament.
FIX: Bring your awareness to your facial muscles and relax them. Lots of people hold tension in their brow or around the mouth, so just allow your face to feel completely slack. Then work on your smile.
- Shielding Avoid creating barriers, such as crossing your arms, positioning yourself behind obstacles, or holding your drink in front of your chest.
FIX: Remember to keep your body language open and inviting.
- Shrinking Another Beta behavior. It conveys the attitude that you’re meek, and don’t deserve to take the allotment of personal space you’re entitled to.
FIX: Lengthen and Expand. Stand tall, and give yourself some elbow room. Be BOLD (here’s how) Spread out a bit. But please don’t lounge out on 3 chairs like a tool.
You’ll need to be vigilant and remind yourself constantly at the outset. Reprogramming your posture, bearing, carriage, expression, etc will take a bit of time. No one has to know that you’re over-writing your own codes, but as you do, they will take notice.
Posted: September 30th, 2010 | Author: dio | Filed under: Alpha-Male, Uncategorized | Tags: attract womem, date younger women, how to talk to women, pick up tips, seduce a woman, young girlfriend | No Comments »
"I'm sure every guy tells you this, but... gosh, your ear smells terrific"
Its the most important because so many men agonize over what to say, over think to the point of paralysis, or talk them down by imagining the most awful outcomes possible….. so they let a perfectly good opportunity slip. So approaching and saying something is vital – without it, nothing else happens.
Its also the least important aspect of pick up, because in a few minutes, the girl probably wont recall what you said to begin with. If a girl is interested, even a lame opener will do the trick.
Now you’ve got her attention. What next? How do you keep a conversation going? What do you say after hello?
Stalling out (especially this early) translates into an uncomfortable silence, which will filled by her saying something like, “thanks for the compliment” or “it was nice to meet you”.
Follow these guidelines and you’ll ensure things flow smoothly. *(They are especially effective for a “day game”)
- Introductions. Duh! You can just say, “Hi, I’m ______”. You can ask her “What’s your name?” (a cool trick to gauge her interest level: don’t automatically introduce yourself after you get her name- see if she asks. If she doesn’t, she’s either not into you or has weak social skills) In both situations, shake her hand. Exchanging names a great first step towards making her more comfortable.
- Shift Gears. Just totally change the subject and talk about something completely unrelated. Good comedians do this all the time and the audience doesn’t mind at all as long as the new topic is fun or interesting. “I know this is completely random, but…” “This is crazy….” “The weirdest thing just happened to me…”
- Make a Statement. Cold Read. A “cold read” is an ancient skill used by mentalists, detectives, “psychics” and pickup artists. In a nutshell, you quickly observe the subject, use your intuition, and make a pronouncement. For our purposes, it doesn’t matter if you’re on target or totally wrong! The girl you’re talking to will either ask, “how did you know that” or correct you, thus opening the way for you to explain. “I can tell you’re not from around here.” (by your style, the way you carry yourself, how fast you walk…) “You look like a local, but I’ve never seen you around before” (you seem confident, like you know your way around, the way you look at everyone as if you know them)
- Bait. Getting her to invest in the conversation by asking you a question. You’d make a statement with an unanswered implication, like “You remind me of my friend Emily” (in what way) … “I can tell a lot about you- you learn to read people when you do what I do for a living” (what do you do?)….
- Commonality. Discuss any shared link or interest. But don’t beat it to death.
- Communicate with Energy. Hey, Mr. Mellow, if you drone on, you’re going to put her in a coma. Inject some excitement and you’ll bring up her energy level as well. No need to go over the top – you might scare her.
- Listen! Drop your mouth out of over-drive and take a breath! Let her add to the conversation. That allows you to pick up on what she said and expand on it. After you say your piece, throw the ball back in her court.
Three things to avoid:
*Asking open ended questions. Examples: “So, what are you passionate about?” or “If you could travel for a year, where would you go?” Reason- its too early, and she will feel uncomfortable revealing herself to someone she’s known for just moments.
*Interviewing. Examples: “Where do you work? How do you like that? Where are you from? Why did you move here?” Everyone likes talking about themselves, but no one likes to be interrogated.
*Being too agreeable. Alpha-Males are not ‘yes men’. Don’t be afraid to question, challenge or disagree with her. (You can disagree without being disagreeable).
Once you’ve formed a bridge from the opener to a more normal conversation, all you need to do is keep it moving forward. Tease a little (breaking rapport is critical to sparking interest), qualify her a little …“oh, you’re not one of those kind of people, are you? I thought you were cool” ;-) tell her you’ve got to get going, and then get her number with an assumptive close.
You’ve heard of the horse whisperer, and the dog whisperer and even the ghost whisperer. My friend Sinn is the Vagina Whisperer. He’s consistently recognized as one of the top pick up artists in the world, but what really makes him stand out is that he specializes in teaching regular guys the skills of pick up mastery. If you want to learn the actual science of attracting women and seduction, you simply have to check his system out at SinnsOfAttraction.
Posted: September 27th, 2010 | Author: dio | Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: attracting women, date younger women, dating advice for guys, dating younger women, penis enlargement, pick up tips, seduce a woman, subliminal seduction, young girlfriend | No Comments »
We all Want to Believe. We Need to Believe – but its that very need that allows us to fall prey to the world’s con artists. All a thief needs is a reasonable sounding line of shit and some knowledge on how to exploit the human psyche to get people to line up and hand over their hard earned money.
The dating / seduction arena (like every other arena) is packed with scammers making big promises. Before your hopes get the better of your common sense, lets take a look at the facts.
- Subliminal Audio- First, let me ask.. in your mind, how do you tell a story where you and the girl you like are alone in a quiet place where you can crank up the audio of the hottest new release for her to groove to – layers of nature sounds and erie background whispers. It sounds ludicrous because it is. Not to mention that there is virtually zero empirical evidence that subliminal messages work – if they did, they’d be used by every advertiser, every retail outlet, every politician, etc, and there would be PR agencies that specialize in that sort of thing. There aren’t.
- NLP – Short for neuro linguistic programing- which is in itself, very difficult to define (even by the nlp experts themselves). NLP states that you can change a person’s behavior by changing the language they use (plausible). They also assert that you can read a persons body language, or use your body language to affect others. This in fact can be done – but its more of an art than an science, and has to do more with social intelligence than anything else. Can a magic phrase, a special inflection and a raised eyebrow turn an indifferent girl into a nympho? Not a chance in hell.
- Pheromone Colognes. Pheromones are chemicals that elicit a social response among members of the same species , They are very real and abundant in both the plant world and animal kingdom alike. The real question: is there a commercially available fragrance that attracts women? The real answer: NO. If you want to give the pheromone aphrodisiac theory a whirl, you don’t need to wear the equivalent of Rhesus monkey ball-sweat…. just stop wearing antiperspirant.
- Any Penis Enlargement / Male Enhancement Scam. They are ALL scams. 1) Your penis is probably ‘normal’ so you can relax. The average male unit is around 6” when erect (give or take half an inch). What you’ve got is what you’ve got. Accept it. 2) There is no ointment, herb, vitamin that will make it bigger. There’s no FDA oversight for nutritional supplements, so you might be ingesting ground up spiders and dried goat-shit. 3) Yanking, tugging, stretching, pumping your penis WILL DAMAGE YOUR PENIS!!! 4) If you read the horrific description of the surgical procedures some butchers doctors preform, your legs would snap together and you’d grab your package like you were protecting the Hope Diamond.
The world’s best pick up artists don’t bother with any of this nonsense. Neither should you.
Posted: September 21st, 2010 | Author: dio | Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: date younger women, dating advice for guys, dating younger women, how to attract a woman, how to attract women, pickup tips | No Comments »
If you’re looking for insight into how women think, you might be tempted to ask some of your female buddies just what they look for in a man. Or you might read some books written by female Ph.D’s or “relationship experts” who explain in great depth how the double X chromosome psyche works. Seems logical enough- you want an answer, you go to the source. And if you do this, and take their advice, you’ll be damning yourself loneliness, frustration and confusion
The reason is that what women SAY they want and what they actually are attracted to are TOTALLY DIFFERENT. Most of them don’t even realize this. For the few that do, social conventions dictate they want one thing (a nice,sensitive, stable guy) when they secretly yearn for another (a guy who’s a challenge, who’s a little dangerous).
If you’ve bought into the deception, you’re probably making some fatal mistakes with women. You might be making the same mistakes over and over – hell, I know I did. When I finally reached the limit of heart-ache, I began to observe how relationships developed in the REAL world (not the Lifetime Movie Network world), and I consulted with men who were REAL EXPERTS and who were getting the results i wanted.
TRYING TOO HARD
This is a biggie. A guy will often try to impress a girl. He’ll try to entertain her constantly. Fill in all the conversational gaps. Call, email and text all the time. Re-affirm commonalities and tell her what a great couple they’d make. Hit her with non-stop compliments.
All of this puts a tremendous amount of pressure on a girl and is guaranteed to drive her away. Think about it – how do you feel in any situation where someone is trying to grease you up and hard sell you? Put off? Suspicious? Exactly.
Remember what Chris Rock said: “No body sells crack. Crack sells itself”
Girls are attracted to men who pose a challenge. Guys that are confident and independent enough to stand on their own. You MUST let her feel as if she’s earning your interest. An occasional compliment is fine – but you have to balance that with (playful) teasing to put her on the defensive a bit. You have nothing to prove. And don’t be too accessible, either. Remember- a budding romance seldom dies of starvation, but is often killed by indigestion.
ADMITTING YOUR FEELINGS
You think, “maybe she just doesn’t understand how much I like her. If she only knew what was in my heart, she wouldn’t have any doubts and could open her heart to me”. So you tell her. Now she won’t return your calls.
Gads! I’ve actually done this!
One of the immutable laws of relationships is that the person who cares less has more power! That holds true at the start and it holds true 10 years down the line. Of course you need to let her know that you’re into her, but she needs to feel the very real possibility that at any moment, you could walk away. That feeling of uncertainty is a critical component in passion. If you admit you care for her first, or care for her most, you ll tip the scales in her favor and she will cool on you.
The next time you feel the need to look her in the eyes and express your feelings… SHUT UP! Say less, and you won’t say the wrong thing!
MOVING TOO FAST
So you’ve been on a few dates and thing are going really well. Maybe you’ve even taken her to bed. That does NOT mean you are a couple. Do NOT assume you can just drop by her place on Friday night and hang out.
Relationships take time to build. You cant just slap together a few dates and think you’ve got something that’s solid. Be patient. Be elusive. Let her wonder where you stand. That means sometimes, you will have other plans (even if you don’t). It means you return every other call and every third text. If you chase, she will run.So don’t chase.
If you’re continually getting ditched, or meeting girls who want to be ‘friends’ not lovers, and if you’re fed up, its time to make some changes. Humans are ruled by EMOTION, and they justify their actions with LOGIC. If you want success with women, you need to play to their psychology: pique their curiosity, be playful, position your value, use the scarcity principle, tease, be unpredictable, etc.
Don’t try so hard. Play your cards close to your vest, and care less than she does. Say less. Take your time, let her come to you. Be a challenge. TAKE SOME RISKS. You’ll be glad you did.
Posted: September 18th, 2010 | Author: dio | Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: date younger women, dating advice for men, dating tips for guys, dating younger women, how to ask out a girl, how to get a girlfriend | No Comments »
What type of relationship do you want? Do you want a harem? A few reliable FB’s? Looking for one special person?
Some men want to rack up numbers. The want the excitement of the chase, the thrill of the conquest, the satisfaction each notch brings.
Other men don’t want the hassle of meet a constant stream of new women- but they still relish variety. They enjoy the company of a few ladies. No agendas, no strings; just fun.
Then there are those who just want to connect with one quality woman. A special lady they can commit to and settle down with. A person to share their life with.
If you’re looking for a stable of women, you’ve got to be willing to put in massive amounts of time and effort. You’ve got to go out and hustle all the time. You’re only going to “close” a small percentage of women you meet, so you have to meet lots and lots of women.
But if want a “soul-mate”.. that one person who will be your perfect compliment, then you have to be willing to put in massive amounts of time and effort. You’ve got to hustle. Remember the structure of the sales funnel – many leads, less qualified prospects, a few buyers. The “sniper” approach (where you set your sights on just one target) is ludicrous; because like the song says, “you can’t always get what you want”. If you invest all your resources in sparking something with one lady, you’ll be back to zero if the relationship doesn’t catch and you have an empty pipe-line.
*Fortunately, there ARE ways to streamline the process and maximize your rewards.
What type of girl are you attracted to? They come in all shapes, sizes, colors, flavors and personality profiles. At life’s buffet, sampling is a wonderful thing. You steer clear of the things you don’t like and go back for more of what you do.
I personally don’t believe in the concept of the “perfect soul-mate”. I think everyone has a checklist of things that are important to them, and there are scores of candidates that possess those qualities in varying degrees. There were times as a young man when I was nursing a heart-ache after a break-up with the “perfect girl”. Then I’d meet some other girl, who also had attributes I liked in a different ratio, and I’d start going out with her.
Point being: there are lots of girls who’ll fit your criteria – you have to know what kind of girls you’re looking for so you don’t waste energy chasing the wrong ones.
I’d caution you not to be too specific in your checklist, though, because you’ll be missing out on a lot of great opportunities to meet and date wonderful, quirky, cute girls who would appreciate your company.
For me, the checklist went like this:
REQUIRED – No Negotiation
- Must be born female (no hermaphrodites, no Franken-ginas,)
- Not currently married (been there, and its not worth the risk of getting shot)
- No contagious diseases or active addictions (speaks for itself)
- Height in proportion to weight (a nice way of saying no anorexics, no fatties)
- Sense of humor (and more specifically, who understands mine)
- Younger than me (I love puppies. *shrug*)
- Easy going
So think about what kind of girls you’re attracted to, what type of relationship you’d like to be in , and what price you’re willing to pay in order to make it happen. Knowing what you want is the first step towards meeting the girl of your dreams
Posted: September 12th, 2010 | Author: dio | Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: date younger women, dating tips for guys, dating younger women, how to attract a woman, how to attract women, pick up women | No Comments »
This post deals with the 7 essential factors you simply must attend to BEFORE you go out into the field to pick up women.
Even though it feels crappy to step back and admit some flaw, that’s the first step towards self-improvement -which is a very noble pursuit. You don’t need to achieve perfection before your approach a woman; just honestly work on making improvements. You do want every advantage, don’t you?
- Look at some old pictures. If you still have the same hairstyle, you need to get your ass in a barber’s chair ASAP. An inappropriate coif broadcasts that you’re lamentably out of touch. With a spiffy new doo, you’ll look better, feel better and actually carry yourself better.
- If you’ve got a mullet, or worse yet, a skullet (bald on top, long in back, aka Hulk Hogan), your lack of self awareness is a problem; you are the object of scorn and derision . Same for the comb-over… you’re not fooling anyone, and everyone is laughing at you. Long hair / pony tails are only acceptable if you’re a licensed yoga instructor or a professional musician (keep in mind that even Bon Jovi and Metallica cut their hair). Over 30 and still sporting a mop-top? Its sloppy, my friend. If you’re tired of waiting for the bald spot in back to meet up with your receding hairline, take some initiative and shave your head. Its a lot cooler.
- Pay special attention to your eyebrows, as well as hair in your ears and nose. Invest $15, get a trimmer and use it. Today.
- Facial Hair- some men can get away with it. Most can’t. Its not really a happening look- think of the guys that have facial hair: homeless guys, Mall Santas (see ‘homeless guys’), mountain men, orthodox jews, Colonel Sanders, …. Moustaches are either novelties (outlaw biker Fu-Manchu, Snidley Whiplash) or will make you look like a cop.
- Manicure- some men do, some men don’t; its up to you. At the very least, your nails should be nicely trimmed and free of any grease or dirt.
- Body Hair – There are a dozen different systems to help a guy clean up. But even if you embrace your hairy-guy genetics, you MUST to clean up the hair on your neck and shoulders. Stripping off all body hair is only acceptable for competitive body-builders and swimmers.
- NEVER use Nair on your apple bag. It’ll give you the worst rash of your life, and it’ll bake your apples.
- This one is easy. Use soap and water. Apply antiperspirant. Brush, floss, gargle. Wear a whisper of unobtrusive cologne (I own several brands; the super-expensive fragrances don’t attract any more poon than Axe body spray)
- Imagine being with the girl you desire, deep in the first serious make-out session…. think about how intoxicating she smells, how soft her skin feels, the delicate taste of her lips….she undoes her belt, and opens the top button of her jeans… she helps you take your shirt off…. now imagine her face as she looks you over.
- Exactly. Getting in shape doesn’t happen by accident. The people constantly looking for break-through supplements or magic berries or the “fast, fun, easy way to shed pounds and tone up,” are either ignorant, lazy or both. We’re all grown-ups here…. You know that if you want results, you need to put in the effort.
- The formula is simple: Adjust your calories and work out. Be disciplined in your diet. Train strenuously and consistently.
- While sports are a fun way to stay active, there’s no substitute for working out. Improve your aerobic stamina with running, biking, swimming, skipping rope, etc. Stretch and increase your flexibility. The cornerstone of a fitness program is well-balanced progressive resistance training regimen. That’s the key to reshaping your body. (I’ll be blogging more about this in the future).
Attire / Accessories
- Remember when Miami Vice was popular? And how some guys built their wardrobe around that show? Remember when the show fell of the radar, then got canceled, and those guys were STILL wearing their pastel sport coats?
- Go through your clothes, and ruthlessly apply the 80/20 rule. That means get rid of the 80% of the shit that’s out of style, or that you never wear, or that doesn’t fit. Give it to Goodwill. Next, re-evaluate the 20% that you do wear and get rid of most of that, too.
- Surf men’s fashion magazines online, and get a feel for what’s stylish. Build your new wardrobe slowly.. no need to drop a wad of cash in a crazy shopping spree. Many fine stores have personal assistants that can guide you in the right direction.
- Accessories. Bling? Please don’t. Gaudy is never in.. Limit your rings and bracelets and necklaces. Loading up on jewelery is tacky.
- And while you might be in the position to buy an expensive watch something in the $30 range will be more tasteful, durable and functional.
Bearing. How you carry yourself. Your bearing is comprised by a lot of important factors, especially non verbal communication. Body language, posture, gait, awareness of space boundaries, facial expression and eye contact are critical.
- Stand Tall. Even though you want to project a relaxed vibe, do not slouch.
- Don’t fidget or make sudden jerky movements.
- Do not compress yourself- take up your full measure of space, but be mindful not to infringe on anyone else’s.
- Smile! Frequently. Sincerely. A counterfeit smile is easy to detect, and actually looks creepy. A genuine smile engages the eyes, not just the corners of the mouth. (My trick is to think of something that’s funny or wonderful and fix it in my mind). No need to grin every second; you’re not an idiot.
- Social Skills. How you relate to others. Of course you can get along with your friends and co-workers and family, but if you want to improve your love life, you need to take things to the next level. My first suggestion is to get your hands on “How To Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnagie. The wisdom contained in this book is timeless. Its THE Master Text on interpersonal relations. There are plenty of other good books and programs available, too.
- Preparation. Your game-plan. Tactics and Techniques. Personally, I’m not an advocate of the strict procedural approach to picking up girls. But I do recognize that you need to build a solid theoretical framework before you can break the rules. I’ve purchased several PUA courses, attended two different boot-camps and eventually figured out what works for me. I’ll also tell you this… the technical / tactical stuff won’t work unless you take care of the other stuff first.
Remember, you own your thoughts, actions and feelings. Your happiness doesn’t depend upon anyone else’s approval. If you’re ever mindful of your blessings and continually strive to improve yourself, getting girls will be a snap.
Posted: September 9th, 2010 | Author: dio | Filed under: Inner Game / Self-Confidence | Tags: cool hobbies, dating tips for guys, dating younger women, how to attract a woman, pick up women, pickup tips, younger dating | No Comments »
Zombies. They walk the earth. They shuffle around, going through the motions – they drag themselves to work, they shuffle through stores, they distract themselves with meaningless entertainment, they numb themselves with drugs and tranquilize themselves with food.
They do their job, come home and veg, maybe get aggravated at the family, eat, sleep, shit and do it again the next day. And the day after that. In fact, this describes how most people sleepwalk through their lives.
It saddens me when I meet people who don’t have their own personal “thing”. Something they’re passionate about. Something that they DO, that gives them a UNIQUE IDENTITY. Something COOL.
It doesn’t have to be a colossal mission like tearing down “the system” -as Tyler Durden set out to accomplish in Fight Club. It might be a way to blow off some steam, express your creativity, adds value to your life, or just widens your social circle. And of course, that makes you interesting to girls.
So what sets you apart from the millions of other finance guys, middle managers, IT troubleshooters, small business owners etc? What makes you special? What’s YOUR thing?
If its cooking up meth in your kitchen or organizing travel groups to Al Quada training camps in Pakistan, you’ll get blown up and be deleted from the dating pool shortly. For everyone else, on with the show.
- Collecting Shit- stamps, beer cans of the world, bugs
- Tying fishing lures. Girls will not find this sexy.
- Gaming (WoW, Sims, Call of Duty) Amazingly popular, yes. But games are a substitute for life, not life itself.
- Being any kind of “reenactor”. Are you seriously going to wear your Civil War mutton chop sideburns all year long?
- Scrapbooking. How sentimental. Yikes.
Cool Hobbies That Chicks Like
- Playing an instrument. Almost any instrument offers multiple opportunities to get girls. (Exception- accordion)
- Dancing. (Ballroom, Swing) Chuck Lidell and Evander Hollyfield got over their fear of looking spastic, and so can you. Being able to dance gives you a major edge over your competition. You’ll have fun. You’ll meet lots of girls who will eagerly take your lead. You’ll showcase your grace & sophistication . Other guys will be standing around with their thumbs hooked in their belt and grumbling.
- Restoring Hot Rods (while grease and tools might not enthrall girls, driving a hot car does turn heads)
- Martial Arts – A guy that can take care of himself and protect his woman’s very attractive. Shop for a system that appeals to you, a qualified instructor and a good school vibe. (*Personal Prejudice: steer clear of Tae Kwon Do – its a joke).
- Learning a language. It stretches your brain.
- Travel – It expands your perspective and makes you more worldly. Plus, you can use your new language skills to pick up in other countries!
- Outdoor activities
- sailing, boating
- Cooking- “Come over to my place, I’ll cook dinner. You bring desert” Remember, most of the world’s finest chefs are men.
- Volunteering. As the saying goes, “when we are good to others, we are best to ourselves”. Find a cause you can support and get involved. The more you contribute, the more you enrich yourself.
A note of caution: At the beginning of your learning curve, your new hobby will NOT be fun. As a matter of fact, you’ll likely feel irritatingly frustrated. Fun is a function of competence, and that takes time. No one just walks into a brand new endeavor and masters it. So be prepared to stick it out for at least 6 weeks (the length of an introduction class) to 6 months (the minimum amount of time to develop some aptitude).
As for me, I’ve selected:
- Martial Arts – Ive been training over 15 years, earned several black-belts, and have done extensive cross training.
- Guitar – Started taking lessons as an adult. It did not come naturally, but with a lot of practice and the encouragement of a very patient teacher, I got pretty good. Music has added an entire new dimension to my life, and yes, its helped me get laid.
- Learning a Language- 4 months ago, I decided to learn French so I got a good software program and set aside 20 minutes to an hour every night to do the lessons. (Like anything worthwhile, it doesn’t happen by itself). It’s slow going, but I’m making progress.
I understand that there are only so many hours in a day, and that you’re tired after work, and you have responsibilities. So does everyone else. Make the time and make it happen. Or you can mill around with the rest of the zombies.
Posted: September 7th, 2010 | Author: dio | Filed under: Inner Game / Self-Confidence | Tags: attracting women, dating tips for guys, dating younger women, how to attract women, shy around women, younger dating | No Comments »
She’s stunning, fit, young and stylish, and for just one moment, she’s paused to listen to a street musician. There’s a small window of opportunity that will slam shut without warning. You know you’ll never forgive yourself if you stand silently and let her walk away. You WILL make your approach, engage her, develop rapport, pique her interest,tease, gain commitment, close for her number and be on your way.
Damn, she’s beautiful! As you take a breath and shift into GO mode, you spot 2 young bucks who’ve also locked on to the target. You hesitate for a second. In that instant, they move. You watch as they strike up a conversation, get her to laugh, and walk away together.
Sound familiar? Well, this has actually happened to me. IT SUCKS!!! It’s the result of analysis paralysis, lack of preparation, and the tandem of dream-killers, fear coupled with self-doubt.
- Attractive women get hit on everywhere, all the time. There’s competition. So what?
- Rejection is a possibility. So what.
- Uh… Erm… Duh…
If you allow yourself to be intimidated by the perception that your competition has better attributes than you, then you’ve lost before you even played. Other guys may be better built, or have leading-man looks, and they very well might have youth on their side. SO WHAT?!
Don’t you dare count yourself out. The correct information, coupled with preparation and rehearsal will get you on track. Realize – A lot of women prefer older men. Here’s why
Resources - Younger guys are just wading into the the workforce, while, you’ve swam to the deep end and made some waves. Entry level jobs = entry level pay. That’s the way it works. Men have developed careers that earn substantially more income. They’ve saved more, invested more and acquired more quality stuff.
Beware: 1- Don’t flaunt, brag, or show off. Its unattractive. 2- You don’t want to attract gold-diggers or chicks on the make for a sugar-daddy. They’ll tease you, take you for everything they can and string you along while bashing guts with her fuck-buddies.
Maturity - Females grow up faster. Males hit a level of ‘maturity’ at around 14 or 15, and pretty much stay stuck there until age 25 or so. Younger guys need “bro love” and spend too much time hanging around with their pals. They drink too much, too frequently. They often lack direction, goals and ambition. Boys get jealous. They have temper tantrums. Years season a man, tempering his character.
Beware: 1- If you’re still hanging out with the guys a few nights a week, or enjoying more than the occasional cocktail, or are prone to emotional outbursts, you have issues that need to be resolved – they’re causing you a host of problems you may not realize or want to admit. 2- “Mature” does NOT mean boring or predictable- women find spontaneity and playfulness very desirable.
Experience- For those with a desire to learn, the years bestow wisdom. Understanding of worldly things. Perspective. Wisdom. Men should have a certain sophistication, and demonstrate more polished social skills. Men have already made their rookie mistakes and have figured things out. Men know how a lady needs to be treated. And young ladies assume that men command a wide repertoire of sexual techniques.
Beware: 1- To truly evolve, you’ll need to continually question your assumptions and upgrade your knowledge. 2- No one likes a “know-it-all”; there are times to stay silent and allow others to have their opinions and make mistakes.
Security- Men are secure in themselves, and can also protect their women if need be. While young guys are still playing to the crowd and getting tangled up in gossip or high school popularity games, men avoid drama. Men aren’t needy. They know themselves and their strengths, and are confident they can handle future challenges. Men can provide the safety women crave.
Beware: 1- Even one whiff of clingieness / needieness will turn her off forever. A truly secure man can cut all ties with a woman, walk away, and never look back. And do it easily. 2- Security must be balanced with casual indifference. “Fear of Loss” is a more powerful motivator than “Hope for Gain”. To attract and keep a woman’s interest, a man must present a challenge.
From this moment forward, resolve that you will stop being a spectator, watching other people take risks, have fun, and reap the rewards. Improve yourself every day, polish your skills, and get in the game!
Posted: September 5th, 2010 | Author: dio | Filed under: Random, Uncategorized | Tags: approach anxiety, dating advice for men, how to approach women, how to ask out a girl, how to meet women, pickup lines, where to meet women, younger dating | No Comments »
I want to draw a distinction between an “opener” and a “pick up line”. An opener is any kind of question or statement used to introduce yourself, spark curiosity / interest, and bridge into a conversation. Pick-up lines are a sub-category of openers; they’re scripted, greasy, stale attempts to get a reaction.
The idea that you can win a woman over with the right pick-up line is a widely held misconception. The classic pick-up line opener has been out of style for decades and attempting one will mark you as hopelessly out of touch. Lines fail miserably. Here’s why
- They sound canned. Because they are. She thinks: “…, and now that line has failed 1,347 consecutive times”
- She’s heard them all before. Pretty girls get hit on a lot- they’ve heard every line there is. After a while, the same routine goes from boring to aggravating. She’ll take great joy in shooting you down and then laugh at you with all of her friends.
- Lines are demeaning. Hit her with your best line and she’s going to think, “Really? I look like someone that’s going to fall for that? You think so little of me that you assume I might appreciate that old cheese?”
- They don’t offer a segue to further conversation. “Yes, my daddy was a thief. Yes, his biggest heist was stealing the stars from the heavens and putting their twinkle in my eyes. You think I have nice eyes. Thanks. You must be going now.”
- Chances are, if you’re relying on a line, you have doubts. Those insecurities are magnified and projected. Not cool.
What kind of openers DO work?
I’m not offering any surefire brand-new relationship ignition technology (although I do like the ring of that, and should trademark it before some PUA pirate steals it). Men and women have been fucking for milena, so there’s nothing new under the sun. But the following opening strategies have a considerably higher success rate than ‘lines’.
- Say something about the situation or environment. Note anything interesting, unusual or funny. (Dull: “I hate standing in lines. What about you?” Engaging: “Third time today I’ve picked the wrong line – but I have a feeling my luck’s about to turn around”)
- Pay her a SMALL but sincere compliment on something specific. (Bad: “Hey, great cans… are they natural?” Good: “The design on your jacket is wild- is it hand painted?”)
- Make a statement. Most women are fed-up with the ‘interrogation mode’ most guys get stuck in, and they don’t want to answer the same string of boring questions. A statement opens the door for her to agree or disagree. (Weak: “I see you have the new WhizBang phone” Better: ”The waitress is missing in action. We should send out a rescue team.”)
- Ask her opinion. This is also an excellent way to approach a group of women. Remember, when relating to a group, address everyone and keep your head on a swivel. In no time, you’ll ascertain who’s interested, and who’s a snarky cock-blocker so you can focus your attention on high-probability targets. (Horrific: “Ladies, let me get your opinion… can a man with a small penis please a woman?” Smooth: “Can I trouble you ladies for your opinion? It’ll take a second… my friend over there hasn’t heard from his girlfriend for three days. They’ve only been dating for a month or so. He’s already tried to call her a bunch of times… he’s worried. I say stop worrying and stop trying to contact her- this is her way of blowing you off. What do you think?”
These are just a few ideas. Remember, the opener is just one piece of the puzzle, and even the best opener won’t make up for a bad game. Men, to be successful, you’ve also got to consider: * Your mindset * The right timing * Angle of approach * The attitude you project * Your attire and accouterments * Personal space / proximity * Vocal tone and volume * Body language & eye contact * Grooming * How you smell * Ability to read and respond to social cues * Conversational fluency * How to ‘close’ * When to exit *