Posted: September 9th, 2010 | Author: dio | Filed under: Inner Game / Self-Confidence | Tags: cool hobbies, dating tips for guys, dating younger women, how to attract a woman, pick up women, pickup tips, younger dating | No Comments »
Zombies. They walk the earth. They shuffle around, going through the motions – they drag themselves to work, they shuffle through stores, they distract themselves with meaningless entertainment, they numb themselves with drugs and tranquilize themselves with food.
They do their job, come home and veg, maybe get aggravated at the family, eat, sleep, shit and do it again the next day. And the day after that. In fact, this describes how most people sleepwalk through their lives.
It saddens me when I meet people who don’t have their own personal “thing”. Something they’re passionate about. Something that they DO, that gives them a UNIQUE IDENTITY. Something COOL.
It doesn’t have to be a colossal mission like tearing down “the system” -as Tyler Durden set out to accomplish in Fight Club. It might be a way to blow off some steam, express your creativity, adds value to your life, or just widens your social circle. And of course, that makes you interesting to girls.
So what sets you apart from the millions of other finance guys, middle managers, IT troubleshooters, small business owners etc? What makes you special? What’s YOUR thing?
If its cooking up meth in your kitchen or organizing travel groups to Al Quada training camps in Pakistan, you’ll get blown up and be deleted from the dating pool shortly. For everyone else, on with the show.
- Collecting Shit- stamps, beer cans of the world, bugs
- Tying fishing lures. Girls will not find this sexy.
- Gaming (WoW, Sims, Call of Duty) Amazingly popular, yes. But games are a substitute for life, not life itself.
- Being any kind of “reenactor”. Are you seriously going to wear your Civil War mutton chop sideburns all year long?
- Scrapbooking. How sentimental. Yikes.
Cool Hobbies That Chicks Like
- Playing an instrument. Almost any instrument offers multiple opportunities to get girls. (Exception- accordion)
- Dancing. (Ballroom, Swing) Chuck Lidell and Evander Hollyfield got over their fear of looking spastic, and so can you. Being able to dance gives you a major edge over your competition. You’ll have fun. You’ll meet lots of girls who will eagerly take your lead. You’ll showcase your grace & sophistication . Other guys will be standing around with their thumbs hooked in their belt and grumbling.
- Restoring Hot Rods (while grease and tools might not enthrall girls, driving a hot car does turn heads)
- Martial Arts – A guy that can take care of himself and protect his woman’s very attractive. Shop for a system that appeals to you, a qualified instructor and a good school vibe. (*Personal Prejudice: steer clear of Tae Kwon Do – its a joke).
- Learning a language. It stretches your brain.
- Travel – It expands your perspective and makes you more worldly. Plus, you can use your new language skills to pick up in other countries!
- Outdoor activities
- sailing, boating
- Cooking- “Come over to my place, I’ll cook dinner. You bring desert” Remember, most of the world’s finest chefs are men.
- Volunteering. As the saying goes, “when we are good to others, we are best to ourselves”. Find a cause you can support and get involved. The more you contribute, the more you enrich yourself.
A note of caution: At the beginning of your learning curve, your new hobby will NOT be fun. As a matter of fact, you’ll likely feel irritatingly frustrated. Fun is a function of competence, and that takes time. No one just walks into a brand new endeavor and masters it. So be prepared to stick it out for at least 6 weeks (the length of an introduction class) to 6 months (the minimum amount of time to develop some aptitude).
As for me, I’ve selected:
- Martial Arts – Ive been training over 15 years, earned several black-belts, and have done extensive cross training.
- Guitar – Started taking lessons as an adult. It did not come naturally, but with a lot of practice and the encouragement of a very patient teacher, I got pretty good. Music has added an entire new dimension to my life, and yes, its helped me get laid.
- Learning a Language- 4 months ago, I decided to learn French so I got a good software program and set aside 20 minutes to an hour every night to do the lessons. (Like anything worthwhile, it doesn’t happen by itself). It’s slow going, but I’m making progress.
I understand that there are only so many hours in a day, and that you’re tired after work, and you have responsibilities. So does everyone else. Make the time and make it happen. Or you can mill around with the rest of the zombies.
Posted: September 7th, 2010 | Author: dio | Filed under: Inner Game / Self-Confidence | Tags: attracting women, dating tips for guys, dating younger women, how to attract women, shy around women, younger dating | No Comments »
She’s stunning, fit, young and stylish, and for just one moment, she’s paused to listen to a street musician. There’s a small window of opportunity that will slam shut without warning. You know you’ll never forgive yourself if you stand silently and let her walk away. You WILL make your approach, engage her, develop rapport, pique her interest,tease, gain commitment, close for her number and be on your way.
Damn, she’s beautiful! As you take a breath and shift into GO mode, you spot 2 young bucks who’ve also locked on to the target. You hesitate for a second. In that instant, they move. You watch as they strike up a conversation, get her to laugh, and walk away together.
Sound familiar? Well, this has actually happened to me. IT SUCKS!!! It’s the result of analysis paralysis, lack of preparation, and the tandem of dream-killers, fear coupled with self-doubt.
- Attractive women get hit on everywhere, all the time. There’s competition. So what?
- Rejection is a possibility. So what.
- Uh… Erm… Duh…
If you allow yourself to be intimidated by the perception that your competition has better attributes than you, then you’ve lost before you even played. Other guys may be better built, or have leading-man looks, and they very well might have youth on their side. SO WHAT?!
Don’t you dare count yourself out. The correct information, coupled with preparation and rehearsal will get you on track. Realize – A lot of women prefer older men. Here’s why
Resources - Younger guys are just wading into the the workforce, while, you’ve swam to the deep end and made some waves. Entry level jobs = entry level pay. That’s the way it works. Men have developed careers that earn substantially more income. They’ve saved more, invested more and acquired more quality stuff.
Beware: 1- Don’t flaunt, brag, or show off. Its unattractive. 2- You don’t want to attract gold-diggers or chicks on the make for a sugar-daddy. They’ll tease you, take you for everything they can and string you along while bashing guts with her fuck-buddies.
Maturity - Females grow up faster. Males hit a level of ‘maturity’ at around 14 or 15, and pretty much stay stuck there until age 25 or so. Younger guys need “bro love” and spend too much time hanging around with their pals. They drink too much, too frequently. They often lack direction, goals and ambition. Boys get jealous. They have temper tantrums. Years season a man, tempering his character.
Beware: 1- If you’re still hanging out with the guys a few nights a week, or enjoying more than the occasional cocktail, or are prone to emotional outbursts, you have issues that need to be resolved – they’re causing you a host of problems you may not realize or want to admit. 2- “Mature” does NOT mean boring or predictable- women find spontaneity and playfulness very desirable.
Experience- For those with a desire to learn, the years bestow wisdom. Understanding of worldly things. Perspective. Wisdom. Men should have a certain sophistication, and demonstrate more polished social skills. Men have already made their rookie mistakes and have figured things out. Men know how a lady needs to be treated. And young ladies assume that men command a wide repertoire of sexual techniques.
Beware: 1- To truly evolve, you’ll need to continually question your assumptions and upgrade your knowledge. 2- No one likes a “know-it-all”; there are times to stay silent and allow others to have their opinions and make mistakes.
Security- Men are secure in themselves, and can also protect their women if need be. While young guys are still playing to the crowd and getting tangled up in gossip or high school popularity games, men avoid drama. Men aren’t needy. They know themselves and their strengths, and are confident they can handle future challenges. Men can provide the safety women crave.
Beware: 1- Even one whiff of clingieness / needieness will turn her off forever. A truly secure man can cut all ties with a woman, walk away, and never look back. And do it easily. 2- Security must be balanced with casual indifference. “Fear of Loss” is a more powerful motivator than “Hope for Gain”. To attract and keep a woman’s interest, a man must present a challenge.
From this moment forward, resolve that you will stop being a spectator, watching other people take risks, have fun, and reap the rewards. Improve yourself every day, polish your skills, and get in the game!
Posted: September 2nd, 2010 | Author: dio | Filed under: Inner Game / Self-Confidence | Tags: approach anxiety, best places to meet women, confidence with women, how to ask out a girl, how to get a girlfriend | No Comments »
As you’ve already determined, I’m not a big believer in “Quick Fixes” and “Magic Solutions”. Everyone wants the fast , free, fun and easy. Me too. I also realize that in the real world, it usually takes work to get results. Fortunately, the following tips ARE easy to implement. Follow the plan and you’ll conquer approach anxiety forever.
Approach Anxiety is VERY normal. Meeting women can be *gasp* scary! Most men experience this fear to some degree But if your fears are crippling you or having a significantly detrimental impact on your life, you might want to seek out professional help.
This section will address your “pre-game” – how to prepare yourself mentally.
- THE POWER OF NEGATIVE THINKING. We’ve all heard of the Power of Positive thinking. Its great stuff. There’s also something to be said for doing the opposite! If you’re setting the bar too high, your subconscious won’t accept the the new programming and will rigister a ‘conflict error’. Instead, try setting LOW expectations.Seriously. It’ll take the pressure off you. Plus, they’re easier to achieve. Taking small actions will break your paralysis and help you build momentum-
- ACCEPT REJECTION. You’ve probably heard it back in Little League: “You can’t get a hit with the bat on your shoulder”. Top salesmen get rejected all the time. The best Pick Up Artists in the world get shot down all the time (although they never post those vids on YouTube). The secret of the champions is- they don’t let “failure” get to them (well, not for long, anyway). The worst failure not even trying. Maybe you’ll get rejected. So what? Next!
- WHAT’S THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN? Yes, on occasion you’ll hear a guy ask that question before he gets a fragmentation grenade suppository. But lets be analytical for a moment- you approach a girl, and for any one of 1,00 legitimate reasons (she really is married, she really is in a rush, whatever), things don’t go your way. SO WHAT? The IRS isn’t going to audit you, you aren’t going to face public ridicule, you aren’t going to jail… the worst thing you may experience is a brief moment of awkwardness. SO WHAT?
- THE CUT. Remind yourself that YOU are also evaluating HER. If she’s rude, shrill, immature, humorless, you don’t want her anyway.
- ONE GIRL / ONE VOTE. One girl’s opinion does not constitute a universal female consensus. Some girls will not dig you. So what? Lots of girls do, lots more will. Focus on them.
GETTING INTO THE GAME. Slooooowly. Easy does it.
- REHEARSAL Now its time for an ‘in-field’ assignment. Its and easy one. For a few days, allocate some time to people watching. Streets, restaurants, stores, everywhere. Observe women. Then pick one you’d like to meet, note any opportunities for an approach and think about what you’d say to her. No need to be clever- just think situational. Do this at least a dozen times or more, and in your head, play out different scenarios. Visualize yourself being relaxed, confident and cool. This exercise will get you to realize that you actually can go up to a total stranger and start a conversation. (Told you it would be easy)
- HIT AND RUN CONGENIALITY. For a day or two, say hello and smile at everyone you pass. Hot girls, old ladies, couples, people shopping in the supermarket. Simple. Just “hi” or “hello” or “good morning”…. a second of eye contact, a smile, and keep walking. You’re outta there. There may be a few people that don’t hear you, or are so up in their head that they don’t process what’s happening, and there may some people that look right at you and scowl. Fuck ‘em. That’s their deal, not yours. The vast majority of people will appreciate the fleeting instant of positive energy you gave them. (That wasn’t so bad, was it?)
- FOLLOW THROUGH. The next step is an effortless transition. Just put the pieces together. Spot a girl, catch the timing, make your approach, say hello and try out some of the openers you’d been going over in your head. Your goal here is a few moments of engaging conversation. As a matter of fact, it might be a good idea to set a 3 minute limit on each interaction and keep yourself to it. Especially if things are going well.
“I’ve really got to go – it was a real pleasure to meet you. What was your name?” Repeat it back and shake her hand. “Take care of yourself. Bye” Smile and leave. This puts you in control and makes you stronger.
Just a few final thoughts:
- Keep your expectations reasonable. At this point, you’re not looking to land anyone in bed. You’re not even trying to close phone numbers. In other words, there is no possibility of failure.
- Take your time doing the exercises and allow your courage to build.
- Keep it Playful, Keep it Light, Keep it Fun. Yes, dark, brooding bad-boys do get their share of women but they operate within an entirely different pickup structure. Don’t concern yourself with that for now.
- KISS. Forget about complicated routines or memorized sets. Keep It Super Simple.
There. I don’t need to wish you luck because now you have a plan. Work it and get back to me with the results.
Posted: August 31st, 2010 | Author: dio | Filed under: Alpha-Male, Inner Game / Self-Confidence, Random, Uncategorized | Tags: alpha male, dating tips for guys, how to flirt with women, how to pick up a woman, meeting women, mystery, pick up women, pickup artist, places to meet women, pua | No Comments »
“WHO’S THE BOSS OF YOU?”
Most of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned seem to have had an element of “ass-kicking” to them. The following lesson will improve your dating skills and hook-up percentages by 1,000% or more. But if you have a very fragile ego or delicate constitution, stop reading now. I understand that hard reality isn’t for everyone.
I’m guessing that you already realize on some level that your ‘game’ needs improvement. Maybe you’re newly single or enduring a dry spell or feel like your pick-up skills are rusty (or non-existent). Whatever the situation is, you’re dissatisfied. Good! Discomfort is an important prerequisite to change.
As an adult, you’re responsible for your feelings. And what you do about them.
Imagine you’re the CEO, taking a look at Interpersonal Relationships Division of your life. The Department of Nookie. There have been some serious problems there, and you want to see whats going on for yourself.
To your horror, you discover the place is a complete shambles. Trash strewn everywhere, obsolete technology, antiquated furnishings. There’s no activity at all; its so deserted you could safely shoot off a cannon. A couple of schlubs are moping around, their faces a mix of apathy and disgust. You grab the nearest person by the shoulders and shake them hard – you demand to know why there isn’t a frenzy of activity to pull this operation out of the toilet! In response, you get a shrug and a string of lame excuses. You get foot shuffling and blame shifting. Self justifications. Then silence.
If this happened in your company, you’d blow your stack! It would be a blood bath- you would fire everyone… you might even physically throw them out the window. You’d instantly take control and make drastic changes..
You’d make changes to the facility - clean out all the garbage, redesign the place so its efficient, sharp looking and ready to do business
Throw out the old manuals. Institute new procedures and drill everyone until they were instinctive.. Establish new operations modeled on what the most successful companies are doing to thrive in an evolving market.
From this point forward, You’d demand accountability. Daily, weekly and quarterly reports on what is being done and how much progress is being made. You will measure effort and results.
Diligence is rewarded. Failure is analyzed. Achievement is celebrated.
Momentum is built, slowly at first. With hard work, vigilance and courageous leadership, small successes lead to larger victories. You WILL turn this division around.
OK. I don’t need to beat you with this. You ARE the BOSS. You already know what to do… but I’ll lay it out for you anyway.
- Realize you can’t go back in time to change things. You cant go back 10,000 million years, you cant go back 10 seconds. Resolve that you will think and act positively and decisively. in THIS moment and EVERY moment going forward.
- Clean up the mess. All the EMOTIONAL crap – how your ex girlfriend betrayed you, how your ex wife dumped you, how your jr high crush broke your heart…. of course it hurts, but , but for god’s sake, you’re a man! Get yourself sorted out! Get therapy if you need to- that’s okay. Wallowing in the swamp is not acceptable. Clean up the PHYSICAL mess, too. GET IN SHAPE. That means fix your diet and work out! Self discipline and strenuous exertion.
- Eliminate your erroneous beliefs about relationships and ban your self-defeating behavior patterns. Face it, if they were working with for you, you’d be swimming in pussy right now. Out with the weak, in with the powerful. Remember- as the BOSS, you wouldn’t tolerate anyone on staff that wanted to slide back into the familiar but disastrous policies of yore. New thinking. New Action (we’ll go over the specifics in other posts)
- You’re not only the CEO, you’re also every member of the team. You are your own sales force, and you need to go out prospecting. Make contacts. Set Appointments. Fill the wide mouth of the sales funnel. That means: go out, meet lots of women, get phone numbers (not emails or Facebook info) and go out on dates. This is critical. If you don’t have a lot of leads, you will not write any deals.
- Be Consistent/ Hold Yourself Accountable. Getting your love life back on track is your new job. If all of this seems like work, it is! Getting laid doesn’t happen accidentally! Quality girlfriends don’t randomly find you, you have to get them. And if it seems like too much effort, or its too scary, then close up shop! Accept that you quit on yourself and resign yourself to the fact that your dismal situation wont get better, and you will remain alone and lonely.
That’s the Master Blueprint. (We’ll go over the nuts and bolts in future posts). Get the right attitude, take the correct steps in the right sequence, evaluate – adjust, build momentum..As you can see, meeting women and connecting with the right one isn’t some grand mystery. You can do this.
**Remember, sharing is love. Stumble, Digg, Mixx, Reddit, Twitter… Thanks
Posted: August 29th, 2010 | Author: dio | Filed under: Alpha-Male, Inner Game / Self-Confidence | Tags: alpha male, attract women, dating advice, excuses, eye contact, just be yourself, personal improvement, relationship experts, virtue | No Comments »
Well meaning people often say very stupid shit. Especially in awkward situations or when trying to offer support. Maybe its because they’re embarrassed and tongue-tied. Or honestly dont have any original thoughts. Perhaps busting out a well worn cliche is the easy thing to do – gives the appearance of empathy without the effort.
By echoing something seemingly incontrovertible bon mot gives them the aura of wisdom (while they enjoy the glow of feeling superior). “Things happen for a reason” “It’ll all work out” and “Just Be Yourself”.
I can’t stand this nonsense. And I’ll usually call people on their crap as soon as they start.
Things do NOT happen for a reason. Things happen. Everyone attaches their own meaning.
Things may work out- but they might not work out in your favor.
Just Be Yourself? Well, what if you’re a sincere guy, but you’re exuding bad energy? Or you put people off because your social skills really need work? What if you’re a douchebag? (Adam Corolla prefers the term “douche nozzle”- that’s the part that gets the action).
I’ll argue that this pervasive and seemingly innocuous advice is actually very dangerous and destructive. Lots of guys have embraced the ‘just be yourself’ advice and they haven’t had a date in years.
Consensus of foolishness does not equal truth.
Who are the sages dispensing this advice, anyway? It comes from all corners – your aunt Sophie (who’s perfume is as cloying as dollar store air freshener), your single friends who’s only conquests are on World of Warcraft, your couple friends (who are too lazy, comfortable or afraid to end their lousy relationship), 16 year old ‘relationship experts’ on Facebook. Even some noted PUA coaches!
In other words, they’d have you believe that you should just be patient and wait around until your perfect match discovers you, becomes intoxicated by your wonderfulness, and …
Exactly- its total bullshit. If you’ve spend a day in business, you already know that in a cut-throat market, you need (among other things) a damn good product, a competitive advantage, and lots of marketing.
Just Be Yourself is an excuse to be lazy (“why should I work to improve when I can ‘just be myself’). Its a thin rationale to wear against the bitter cold reality that you’ve got some adjustments to make.
* Cringe-Worthy Epic Failure Confession*
The summer before my junior year of HS, I got a job at the community pool as part of the maintenance staff. Easy gig, lots of time to goof off. And some very hot lifeguard chicks. One day a bunch of people were hanging out in the common lounge after lunch.
“Kathy” – one of the hot lifeguard chicks- invited me to play chess. Whoa! Sweeeeet! While I had some basic skills at the game, I was clueless about some basic etiquette. You see, I had taken a lot of cues from my older brother and cousins, who were… complete fucking monkeys. Standard procedure for losing at a game was to toss it.
Anyway, Kathy and I chatted playfully as we made our moves. Exchanged furtive eye contact. Brushed hands accidentally while reaching for pieces.
Then she called an early checkmate…. our friends and co-workers laughed and elbowed eachother. I was smiling and laughing too – even as my arm slowly rose of its own volition and cleared the pieces to the floor! Forget about farting in church… this was pinching a loaf on the alter. ( It took an apology, an explanation, some time, and the intervention of a few buddies to get us back on track.)
So Who Should I Be?
Ah, here’s the kicker. You should be,,, you. Not “just” you, but the ideal you that embodies your highest values and best characteristics. The “uber” version of yourself – the personification of all you strive to become.
Don’t be insincere, don’t imitate a style that conflicts with your basic nature. You’ll come off as a phony and you will fail. Rightfully so. You MUST be authentic.
Shakespeare said, “Assume a virtue if you have it not”. To some degree or another, we all possess courage, enthusiasm, playfulness, curiosity, self-control, etc. In your mind, picture a fully actualized version of yourself. Fit. Confident. Relaxed. What does that look like? How does that feel? How would you act?
Well, there you have it. Stop “just” being yourself and start behaving like the person you want to become. Its a process. It requires dedication, attention, conditioning, and constant vigilance.
This isn’t about quick-fixes or slick routines. Its about fearlessly taking a personal inventory, actually writing out a balance sheet of debits and credits, and coming up with a plan of action to improving your deficiencies and maximize your strengths.
As you continue on your path of personal improvement, you’ll be surprised at how many ladies enjoy your company.