Posted: September 21st, 2010 | Author: dio | Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: date younger women, dating advice for guys, dating younger women, how to attract a woman, how to attract women, pickup tips | No Comments »
If you’re looking for insight into how women think, you might be tempted to ask some of your female buddies just what they look for in a man. Or you might read some books written by female Ph.D’s or “relationship experts” who explain in great depth how the double X chromosome psyche works. Seems logical enough- you want an answer, you go to the source. And if you do this, and take their advice, you’ll be damning yourself loneliness, frustration and confusion
The reason is that what women SAY they want and what they actually are attracted to are TOTALLY DIFFERENT. Most of them don’t even realize this. For the few that do, social conventions dictate they want one thing (a nice,sensitive, stable guy) when they secretly yearn for another (a guy who’s a challenge, who’s a little dangerous).
If you’ve bought into the deception, you’re probably making some fatal mistakes with women. You might be making the same mistakes over and over – hell, I know I did. When I finally reached the limit of heart-ache, I began to observe how relationships developed in the REAL world (not the Lifetime Movie Network world), and I consulted with men who were REAL EXPERTS and who were getting the results i wanted.
TRYING TOO HARD
This is a biggie. A guy will often try to impress a girl. He’ll try to entertain her constantly. Fill in all the conversational gaps. Call, email and text all the time. Re-affirm commonalities and tell her what a great couple they’d make. Hit her with non-stop compliments.
All of this puts a tremendous amount of pressure on a girl and is guaranteed to drive her away. Think about it – how do you feel in any situation where someone is trying to grease you up and hard sell you? Put off? Suspicious? Exactly.
Remember what Chris Rock said: “No body sells crack. Crack sells itself”
Girls are attracted to men who pose a challenge. Guys that are confident and independent enough to stand on their own. You MUST let her feel as if she’s earning your interest. An occasional compliment is fine – but you have to balance that with (playful) teasing to put her on the defensive a bit. You have nothing to prove. And don’t be too accessible, either. Remember- a budding romance seldom dies of starvation, but is often killed by indigestion.
ADMITTING YOUR FEELINGS
You think, “maybe she just doesn’t understand how much I like her. If she only knew what was in my heart, she wouldn’t have any doubts and could open her heart to me”. So you tell her. Now she won’t return your calls.
Gads! I’ve actually done this!
One of the immutable laws of relationships is that the person who cares less has more power! That holds true at the start and it holds true 10 years down the line. Of course you need to let her know that you’re into her, but she needs to feel the very real possibility that at any moment, you could walk away. That feeling of uncertainty is a critical component in passion. If you admit you care for her first, or care for her most, you ll tip the scales in her favor and she will cool on you.
The next time you feel the need to look her in the eyes and express your feelings… SHUT UP! Say less, and you won’t say the wrong thing!
MOVING TOO FAST
So you’ve been on a few dates and thing are going really well. Maybe you’ve even taken her to bed. That does NOT mean you are a couple. Do NOT assume you can just drop by her place on Friday night and hang out.
Relationships take time to build. You cant just slap together a few dates and think you’ve got something that’s solid. Be patient. Be elusive. Let her wonder where you stand. That means sometimes, you will have other plans (even if you don’t). It means you return every other call and every third text. If you chase, she will run.So don’t chase.
If you’re continually getting ditched, or meeting girls who want to be ‘friends’ not lovers, and if you’re fed up, its time to make some changes. Humans are ruled by EMOTION, and they justify their actions with LOGIC. If you want success with women, you need to play to their psychology: pique their curiosity, be playful, position your value, use the scarcity principle, tease, be unpredictable, etc.
Don’t try so hard. Play your cards close to your vest, and care less than she does. Say less. Take your time, let her come to you. Be a challenge. TAKE SOME RISKS. You’ll be glad you did.
Posted: September 12th, 2010 | Author: dio | Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: date younger women, dating tips for guys, dating younger women, how to attract a woman, how to attract women, pick up women | No Comments »
This post deals with the 7 essential factors you simply must attend to BEFORE you go out into the field to pick up women.
Even though it feels crappy to step back and admit some flaw, that’s the first step towards self-improvement -which is a very noble pursuit. You don’t need to achieve perfection before your approach a woman; just honestly work on making improvements. You do want every advantage, don’t you?
- Look at some old pictures. If you still have the same hairstyle, you need to get your ass in a barber’s chair ASAP. An inappropriate coif broadcasts that you’re lamentably out of touch. With a spiffy new doo, you’ll look better, feel better and actually carry yourself better.
- If you’ve got a mullet, or worse yet, a skullet (bald on top, long in back, aka Hulk Hogan), your lack of self awareness is a problem; you are the object of scorn and derision . Same for the comb-over… you’re not fooling anyone, and everyone is laughing at you. Long hair / pony tails are only acceptable if you’re a licensed yoga instructor or a professional musician (keep in mind that even Bon Jovi and Metallica cut their hair). Over 30 and still sporting a mop-top? Its sloppy, my friend. If you’re tired of waiting for the bald spot in back to meet up with your receding hairline, take some initiative and shave your head. Its a lot cooler.
- Pay special attention to your eyebrows, as well as hair in your ears and nose. Invest $15, get a trimmer and use it. Today.
- Facial Hair- some men can get away with it. Most can’t. Its not really a happening look- think of the guys that have facial hair: homeless guys, Mall Santas (see ‘homeless guys’), mountain men, orthodox jews, Colonel Sanders, …. Moustaches are either novelties (outlaw biker Fu-Manchu, Snidley Whiplash) or will make you look like a cop.
- Manicure- some men do, some men don’t; its up to you. At the very least, your nails should be nicely trimmed and free of any grease or dirt.
- Body Hair – There are a dozen different systems to help a guy clean up. But even if you embrace your hairy-guy genetics, you MUST to clean up the hair on your neck and shoulders. Stripping off all body hair is only acceptable for competitive body-builders and swimmers.
- NEVER use Nair on your apple bag. It’ll give you the worst rash of your life, and it’ll bake your apples.
- This one is easy. Use soap and water. Apply antiperspirant. Brush, floss, gargle. Wear a whisper of unobtrusive cologne (I own several brands; the super-expensive fragrances don’t attract any more poon than Axe body spray)
- Imagine being with the girl you desire, deep in the first serious make-out session…. think about how intoxicating she smells, how soft her skin feels, the delicate taste of her lips….she undoes her belt, and opens the top button of her jeans… she helps you take your shirt off…. now imagine her face as she looks you over.
- Exactly. Getting in shape doesn’t happen by accident. The people constantly looking for break-through supplements or magic berries or the “fast, fun, easy way to shed pounds and tone up,” are either ignorant, lazy or both. We’re all grown-ups here…. You know that if you want results, you need to put in the effort.
- The formula is simple: Adjust your calories and work out. Be disciplined in your diet. Train strenuously and consistently.
- While sports are a fun way to stay active, there’s no substitute for working out. Improve your aerobic stamina with running, biking, swimming, skipping rope, etc. Stretch and increase your flexibility. The cornerstone of a fitness program is well-balanced progressive resistance training regimen. That’s the key to reshaping your body. (I’ll be blogging more about this in the future).
Attire / Accessories
- Remember when Miami Vice was popular? And how some guys built their wardrobe around that show? Remember when the show fell of the radar, then got canceled, and those guys were STILL wearing their pastel sport coats?
- Go through your clothes, and ruthlessly apply the 80/20 rule. That means get rid of the 80% of the shit that’s out of style, or that you never wear, or that doesn’t fit. Give it to Goodwill. Next, re-evaluate the 20% that you do wear and get rid of most of that, too.
- Surf men’s fashion magazines online, and get a feel for what’s stylish. Build your new wardrobe slowly.. no need to drop a wad of cash in a crazy shopping spree. Many fine stores have personal assistants that can guide you in the right direction.
- Accessories. Bling? Please don’t. Gaudy is never in.. Limit your rings and bracelets and necklaces. Loading up on jewelery is tacky.
- And while you might be in the position to buy an expensive watch something in the $30 range will be more tasteful, durable and functional.
Bearing. How you carry yourself. Your bearing is comprised by a lot of important factors, especially non verbal communication. Body language, posture, gait, awareness of space boundaries, facial expression and eye contact are critical.
- Stand Tall. Even though you want to project a relaxed vibe, do not slouch.
- Don’t fidget or make sudden jerky movements.
- Do not compress yourself- take up your full measure of space, but be mindful not to infringe on anyone else’s.
- Smile! Frequently. Sincerely. A counterfeit smile is easy to detect, and actually looks creepy. A genuine smile engages the eyes, not just the corners of the mouth. (My trick is to think of something that’s funny or wonderful and fix it in my mind). No need to grin every second; you’re not an idiot.
- Social Skills. How you relate to others. Of course you can get along with your friends and co-workers and family, but if you want to improve your love life, you need to take things to the next level. My first suggestion is to get your hands on “How To Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnagie. The wisdom contained in this book is timeless. Its THE Master Text on interpersonal relations. There are plenty of other good books and programs available, too.
- Preparation. Your game-plan. Tactics and Techniques. Personally, I’m not an advocate of the strict procedural approach to picking up girls. But I do recognize that you need to build a solid theoretical framework before you can break the rules. I’ve purchased several PUA courses, attended two different boot-camps and eventually figured out what works for me. I’ll also tell you this… the technical / tactical stuff won’t work unless you take care of the other stuff first.
Remember, you own your thoughts, actions and feelings. Your happiness doesn’t depend upon anyone else’s approval. If you’re ever mindful of your blessings and continually strive to improve yourself, getting girls will be a snap.
Posted: September 9th, 2010 | Author: dio | Filed under: Inner Game / Self-Confidence | Tags: cool hobbies, dating tips for guys, dating younger women, how to attract a woman, pick up women, pickup tips, younger dating | No Comments »
Zombies. They walk the earth. They shuffle around, going through the motions – they drag themselves to work, they shuffle through stores, they distract themselves with meaningless entertainment, they numb themselves with drugs and tranquilize themselves with food.
They do their job, come home and veg, maybe get aggravated at the family, eat, sleep, shit and do it again the next day. And the day after that. In fact, this describes how most people sleepwalk through their lives.
It saddens me when I meet people who don’t have their own personal “thing”. Something they’re passionate about. Something that they DO, that gives them a UNIQUE IDENTITY. Something COOL.
It doesn’t have to be a colossal mission like tearing down “the system” -as Tyler Durden set out to accomplish in Fight Club. It might be a way to blow off some steam, express your creativity, adds value to your life, or just widens your social circle. And of course, that makes you interesting to girls.
So what sets you apart from the millions of other finance guys, middle managers, IT troubleshooters, small business owners etc? What makes you special? What’s YOUR thing?
If its cooking up meth in your kitchen or organizing travel groups to Al Quada training camps in Pakistan, you’ll get blown up and be deleted from the dating pool shortly. For everyone else, on with the show.
- Collecting Shit- stamps, beer cans of the world, bugs
- Tying fishing lures. Girls will not find this sexy.
- Gaming (WoW, Sims, Call of Duty) Amazingly popular, yes. But games are a substitute for life, not life itself.
- Being any kind of “reenactor”. Are you seriously going to wear your Civil War mutton chop sideburns all year long?
- Scrapbooking. How sentimental. Yikes.
Cool Hobbies That Chicks Like
- Playing an instrument. Almost any instrument offers multiple opportunities to get girls. (Exception- accordion)
- Dancing. (Ballroom, Swing) Chuck Lidell and Evander Hollyfield got over their fear of looking spastic, and so can you. Being able to dance gives you a major edge over your competition. You’ll have fun. You’ll meet lots of girls who will eagerly take your lead. You’ll showcase your grace & sophistication . Other guys will be standing around with their thumbs hooked in their belt and grumbling.
- Restoring Hot Rods (while grease and tools might not enthrall girls, driving a hot car does turn heads)
- Martial Arts – A guy that can take care of himself and protect his woman’s very attractive. Shop for a system that appeals to you, a qualified instructor and a good school vibe. (*Personal Prejudice: steer clear of Tae Kwon Do – its a joke).
- Learning a language. It stretches your brain.
- Travel – It expands your perspective and makes you more worldly. Plus, you can use your new language skills to pick up in other countries!
- Outdoor activities
- sailing, boating
- Cooking- “Come over to my place, I’ll cook dinner. You bring desert” Remember, most of the world’s finest chefs are men.
- Volunteering. As the saying goes, “when we are good to others, we are best to ourselves”. Find a cause you can support and get involved. The more you contribute, the more you enrich yourself.
A note of caution: At the beginning of your learning curve, your new hobby will NOT be fun. As a matter of fact, you’ll likely feel irritatingly frustrated. Fun is a function of competence, and that takes time. No one just walks into a brand new endeavor and masters it. So be prepared to stick it out for at least 6 weeks (the length of an introduction class) to 6 months (the minimum amount of time to develop some aptitude).
As for me, I’ve selected:
- Martial Arts – Ive been training over 15 years, earned several black-belts, and have done extensive cross training.
- Guitar – Started taking lessons as an adult. It did not come naturally, but with a lot of practice and the encouragement of a very patient teacher, I got pretty good. Music has added an entire new dimension to my life, and yes, its helped me get laid.
- Learning a Language- 4 months ago, I decided to learn French so I got a good software program and set aside 20 minutes to an hour every night to do the lessons. (Like anything worthwhile, it doesn’t happen by itself). It’s slow going, but I’m making progress.
I understand that there are only so many hours in a day, and that you’re tired after work, and you have responsibilities. So does everyone else. Make the time and make it happen. Or you can mill around with the rest of the zombies.